From ROY IVY: The man behind the band behind the band takes the spotlight this uproarious trip to the Wheel of Eight. With his wry humor, handsome mug, hypnotic moves, penchant for perfect hooks, and a voice that tongue-bathes you in baritone while unbuckling your pants, Calvin Johnson’s a goddamn god and that’s just indisputable. That old Eno adage about everyone who first heard the VU starting a band definitely applies to Beat Happening, who birthed a whole generation of twee two-chords scrappers and defines what most think of as “the Olympia sound.”  You’d think Beat Happening cover bands would have already been a played-out thing, but according to Calvin, Beauts may be the first BH tribute. Who knew?

Calvin challenges the Pop Oracle with the evergreen question, “Why does it have to be so complicated with these people?”

It’s answered by the song that brought me here, “Your Asterisk.”

On September 27, 2018, Sandman brought Calvin to Missoula for a show at the Roxy Theater. The show was a real lovefest for Calvin, featuring Caroline Keys clobbering your heartstrings with a Calvin tribute, followed by the debut of Beauts.

Now I’d seen Sandman’s storied performances, and got the gumption to introduce myself once or twice while I was strunk (that’s when you’re a lil’ too stoned and a lil’ too drunk), but I didn’t really know the fella. Nor had I met Bente and Drew, the other Beauts.

But at the end of their set, Beauts asked the audience if they should play “Your Asterisk,” a standout tune from the Calvin/Doug Martsch supergroup, The Halo Benders. Strunk me yells, “play it!” Sandman asks if anybody can sing the Doug parts of the song. Strunk me jumps on the stage. Strunk me is a very confident fella, you see. I don’t exactly recall the performance. I sorta left my body as I was onstage, shaking my money-loser while singing along with a Calvin song while Calvin’s 15 feet away. But by most accounts, I nailed it.

Then shortly after, Sandman finds me and invites me to replicate the experience on Radio8Ball, and to be a featured guest. It was an offer I could have refused, because I’m anxious and horrible at meeting new people, and knew I’d make an ass of myself behind the mic (which I certainly do later). But I was immediately disarmed upon meeting Andras Jones. As an obnoxious child, he was my favorite Elm Street character and the only death in the series I felt sad about. I immediately got my fangasm outta my system, Andras gave me a bear hug, and my guard was dropped.

Anyway, enjoy this witty interview with a living legend and tap your toes to this catchy ditty that foisted Roy Ivy upon your lives.

POP ORACLE Song of The Day (April 16, 2019): ANDRAS JONES “Fashionable Nothing (live at The Capitol Theater)”

YOUR ASTERISK
(Halo Benders)

You’re a glass eyed tiger, I’m a rusty fire hydrant

You’re a freshly webbed spider, I’m an awkward silence

You’ve got sand in your swimsuit, I’ve got a missing tooth

You took the last piece, didn’t you? Well I hid myself one first

We can’t keep kissin’ around any more

My dialin’ finger is gettin’ too sore

A ah ee ah a ah ee a a ah ee ah a

Your other car’s a broomstick

Mine’s a hobby horse

You never thought you’d have to prove a great disturbance in the force

The clothes are all heaped in a pile on the floor

Let’s bulldoze our way to a brand new peace accord

How many times can we break then make up?

We’ve gone too long for a kiss to save us

A ah ee ah a ah ee a a ah ee ah a

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

You’re a mig jet pilot

I’m a burrow in the stone

You suffer frequent all-nighters

I curl up and sleep it off

There’s two kinds of ways you could count the night lights

I’d give you hundreds of last chances, but you had to rush in. Why?

I don’t worry about all your reversible talk

As significant as the death of alternative rock

Let it die let it die let it die (yeah)

You’re a prima ballerina

I’m a collapsing iron lung

You let disaster come between us

Now I’m a poet on the run

Searching for a place where my heart can feel something

Then I can retrieve it from the basement of my stomach

There’s supper in this room as long as it continues thumpin’

A ah ee ah a ah ee a a ah ee ah a

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

You’re a glass-eyed tiger

You’re a trash vampire

You’re what sat down beside her

I wish I glowed brighter in your eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyes

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